I've been to two Motor Shows in the last month. They were pretty damned different from each other, but they both did involve cars and they also both involved enthusiasts ... although I suspect there wouldn't be much overlap between the types of enthusiasm relating to each display.
What am I talking about? The first was the Sydney International Motor Show, the second was the Alpine "Final Battle" Auto Salon. I think I'll leave any snide comments until later ...
Every year, the Motor Show seems to dull out some of my arguments for having a used car. There's just this indoor field of happy motoring nirvananess, grinning and proud vehicles stretching as far as the eye can see (well, when you're looking through the camera's viewfinder your vision's a little limited). Where else do Mercedes waltz hand-in-hand with Lexuses without spitting on each other's new shirts? Where else do Range Rovers play with 206's without trampling them to death in a clumsy, drunken stupor? Where else could you put Ford and Holden on diagonally opposite corners without rolls of toilet paper, brown-eyes and molotov cocktails being launched over the separating path?
This Motor Show is all about peace and world harmony, about the globe turning into a joyous place where smurfs sing their song brightly on every street corner, and seal cubs can walk down the streets without fear ("Did you hear the one about the baby fur seal? He walked into a club ..." Boom-boom)
Well maybe I'm reading more into it than there really is, but I still look forward to it every year. And this year was even better; because this year at the pre-show Media Day, AutoSpeed had an even bigger contingent than ever before, ready to ask the probing questions of the Australian automotive industry. Well, at least ask those bikini girls with the stick-on tattoos how they were going, anyway.
No doubt you've already read David Rubie's article ("Sophisticated Side") about the motor show, so I won't go on about what it was and what was there. And if you haven't read it, go back and read it - there is some really impressive photography in it...
As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, I really look forward to the show each year. Sure, a lot of it is a bit dull; there seem to be more Fugly Little Trucks each year, and of course the volume-selling vanilla-flavoured cardigans will always be present 'cos that's where most manufacturers make their money. But for a car fan, there's just such an overabundance of the things you're really into, and all there ready to be poked and prodded and fiddled with. And these days, there do seem to be just a few more stands that have cars that're open for a real gander, rather than fenced-off and inaccessible.
Even the Fugly Little Trucks have a glint of good shining through the veil of evil that surrounds them. You see, the inability to produce a decent looking car seems to transfer into an ability to create a popular Fugly Little Truck. Consider how relatively hideous your average Hyunkiawoo appears, and then look at the Fugly Little Trucks the Koreans are churning out and you'll see they're no more repulsive than the Japanese, American or European ones. I'd even say a Hyundai Santa Fe was better looking than a Toyota RAV4 (albeit in the same way that Quasimodo might've been better looking than Robert The Bruce's leprous dad in Braveheart).
And in pondering that, I think I've stumbled across the reason for so much ugliness in the small to medium car scene lately; they're all trying to look like Fugly Little Trucks! Think about it; the current Impreza, Corolla and Civic all have the same bug eyes and awkward angles as Fugly Little Trucks have ... the design centres must've decided that Fugly Little Trucks were taking off gangbusters, so why not apply those design features to every other new model in sight?
In any case, the car show managed to entertain; purely because it's a collection of cars. And really, you can't go past a collection of cars when you're looking for something "interesting"; hell, promise me there's variety in the car park below me and I'll go down and have a look ...
In contrast to the Sydney Motor Show, I happened to wander into that "Auto Salon" almost purely by chance. I'd been up relatively early on a Saturday morning to examine my slowly-advancing project car, and had to be at a friend's place out at Parramatta by midday. Now, Homebush Bay really isn't that far from Parramatta, and I knew a car audio place had a "sale" on (I think on reflection that I paid more than I'd been quoted over the phone, but that's a different matter) ... and that their shop was closed because they were showing at the "Auto Salon".
I had the time, so went along.
But "Final Battle" Auto Salon? Even the name's somewhat comedic; it invokes images of hairdressers prancing around and jabbing each other with curling wands...
The first thing that hits you at one of these things is the noise; everyone's trying to out-bass everyone else. Well actually, it's probably the second thing; I'm still waiting for the junk mail to start arriving thanks to the form I had to fill out to get in (yes, I actually put my correct address there; when you've got no mates, Priceline and Woollies will always write to you). Walking in, the sound only gets louder and everything starts to get hazy as the smoke machines do their stuff ...
Everyone knows the sort of cars that are at these things. They are very bright and very shiny, and have lots of brand names plastered all over them. Some of them even have performance mods, although obviously peaks on a dyno sheet are infinitely more important than actual performance, and the size and polish on a turbo is certainly of greater import than how (or whether) it works. Actually, that's probably an eency bit uncharitable, although even those cars that you know are quick (like a certain green WRX) look to be focused more on looks than performance.
And some things are ... well, they're just a wank. MOMO car seat covers fitted over standard seats? Gimme a break! And how about cotton wool arranged around tyres to simulate burn-outs; one Paseo (and remember, a Paseo is a 2-door FWD Tercel) had this burn-out indicator arranged around the back wheels...
But maybe I'm just too old or too conservative to appreciate it? It all seems to be about announcing yourself, regardless of how much of a dropkick everyone else on the road might think you are (or how deaf you go). And maybe I don't want to be announced, which is why I'm not into performance-reducing cosmetic add-ons. A lot of the young-uns there certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves, and the organization of a "rave" (is that still current?) after the show made no bones about who the target market might be.
Still, it was a little bit of an eye-opener. The level of expenditure some people will go to (and not all of them businesses looking for advertising) to win a prize at a show never ceases to amaze me. Again, I suppose some people just crave recognition.
So, what moral is there to this, what are my conclusions? What comparisons can be made between the two automotive displays? Well, there's nothing really; I had started out thinking I'd make a few points about how I'd enjoyed the Salon more than I'd expected; but really, I'm a cranky bastard and that'd be going too far...
But each to his or her own, and if people are interested in that sort of thing they should be allowed to go for it, even if fuddy-duddies like myself do insist on openly laughing at them as they doof-doof-doof past on a balmy Saturday night ...
|