Settle down now, children, it's time for a lesson in adjectival Italian. Yup, that's the 'describing' (fingers doing imaginary speech marks in air a la Dr Evil) words. For example, Presto means quick. Prestissimo means very quick. To get still faster, just add iss-es. Thus: prestissississississimo means, frankly, a match for a Milanese taxi driver. At rush hour. If you want to talk about a car, you need quite a few 'adjectival' (don't forget the fingers!) terms. And if you're gonna describe the Autodelta J11 in Italian, you'll need more iss-es than a stuttering snake on mescaline.
So we'll stick to English. Autodelta is, after all, a company based in West London. It just happens to like a bit of the Latin stuff. It does obscenely beautiful things to Alfas on a regular basis. The only fly in its ointment is that Alfas have a fairly deserved rep as being more fragile than an actor's ego. So imagine proprietor Jano Djelian's delight when the 156 appeared. Here was a car that appeared well enough put together to compete with German manufacturers in the fleet car marketplace. In addition, it was beautiful, had a choice of wonderful engines, and handled bloody well, too. Sorted.
As soon as he could, Jano obtained a 156 Twin Spark, and set about designing the J11. He specialises in taking what an Alfa is good at - in this case looking great, sounding fine and being dynamically a rolling pleasuredrome - and doubling it.
So we bring your attention, ladies and gentlemen, to the body kit. Jano thought the standard car's lines were lovely but a bit, ahem, mimsy. That'll be a low, wide front spoiler with upswept edges, a mad rear wing and subtle side skirts, then. Oh, and a good 35mm slam over 17x7.5-inch Toora alloys. These are an Autodelta trademark, with racing-style single bolt fixings and wearing 215/45 rubber. There are white side indicators as a finishing touch.
The ace Twin Spark engine is rebuilt, gaining a turbo and intercooler along the way. The net result is 225hp - enough to seriously diss people. That's 'cos it's a 70hp increase on standard, and a massive hike in torque. The power-weight ratio is now a mad 183 hp/ton. Thanks to a specially made exhaust manifold and system, the racket you'll make as you splat 97 km/h (60 mph) in 5.8 seconds, moving swiftly on to 250 km/h, is the kind of operatic stuff rarely heard on British roads.
The engine kinda barks, moving on to a roar as the throttle is opened. There's no turbo lag, as the small blower spins from under 2000 rpm, with a noticeable pickup around 3500 rpm. We also liked the fact that the turbo isn't too surgy on the over-run. That's because Autodelta fits a dump valve, then hides it away so you can't hear it (sorry, but I like that - I'm getting old). Given that the turbo radically alters the engine's performance, the gearbox ratios have also been altered to suit.
Run out of road? It'll be a pleasure to bring the reconfigured ABS and 300mm Brembo cross-drilled discs 'n' four-pot calipers into use, then. And as if by magic, you've come to a halt. And you have done so without upsetting the car, as the suspension is more reworked than Cher. Autodelta's own uprated springs work with Koni Sport dampers and a strut brace for pin-sharp, dead flat cornering. Turn-in is unbelievably positive, and, thanks to the lag-free power, the progressive understeer game can be played to give incredible cross-country times. Despite the stiff set-up, ride remains compliant. Now that, kiddies, is magic.
I love this car. It turned heads when we drove through London, and miraculously blended into the scenery when we did a spot of, erm, performance appraisal on a deserted dual lane road. The damn thing is pure pleasure to drive. Although it's twice the cost of a standard 156 Twin Spark, it's more than twice the car. The only thing I complained about was the typical squidgy Alfa gearchange. "My friend," replied Jano, "you want the Selespeed version."
He's right. I bloody well do. I want it here and I want it now, especially as the thing comes with a full warranty and dedicated, cheap insurance. Oh yeah, and business users can get it on lease, too.
I'm just off to have a word with my bank manager...
Contacts:
Autodelta (UK) 0208 838 3535
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